- David Kedode
- 3 Comments
- Tags: Divorce, Family, Forgiveness, God, Hope, Marriage, Pornography, Sex, Sexuality
Is Pornography Destroying Your Marriage? There’s Hope
Porn has become so commonplace, even among Christians, that its use has woven itself into the daily lives of countless men and women, disrupting marriages and short-circuiting believers’ effectiveness for God. Users of pornography know their habit is wrong, but they ask, “What can I do to stop? How do I say no when porn tempts me?”
In order to save, heal and protect our marriages from porn, we need to adopt a broader understanding of this pernicious and slippery world, an understanding that currently and unfairly pins most virtual infidelity on husbands.
Christians Aren’t Immune
Christians aren’t immune. When surveyed, 53 percent of men who attended Promise Keepers said they viewed pornography that week. More than 45 percent of Christians admit that pornography is a major problem in their home. An anonymous survey conducted recently by Pastors.com reported that 54 percent of pastors admitted viewing porn within the last year. In an online newsletter, 34 percent of female readers of Today’s Christian Woman admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn. One out of every six women who read Today’s Christian Woman say they struggle with addiction to pornography (Today’s Christian Woman, Fall 2003).
The fact remains that electronic media, which includes the Internet, hunts both genders. More and more women are not just viewing porn, they are entering anonymous chat rooms and are more likely to act out in real life what others just type about. And as marketers know, it has always been women who have fantasized about relationships with men other than their husbands through soap operas, not to mention romance novels and magazines such as Cosmopolitan and other little sisters of porn of another kind.
If porn is involved anywhere in your marriage (with you, your spouse, or even both of you), then there is no “happily ever after.” Pornography never blesses, it only takes. It never enriches, it only deceives. Porn will not develop anyone, but only put the user (and others) in harms way.
Here are 5 ways that pornography can hurt your marriage. I pray you take them to heart and know that none of us are immune to the affects.
1:Porn Invites Comparison- If a man sees an image of a naked woman, what happens when he sees his wife naked in a few hours? Does he not notice that his wife may not have the same computer-generated flawless features? And what about the video he watched of two people having sex? He may begin to believe that sex with his wife is not quite as exciting as the scripted scene he had witnessed before. Romance novels and soft porn can have the very same effects. I heard once that comparison is the thief of joy.
2: Porn Encourages Lies-Pornography as a topic is generally avoided. It’s kept behind closed doors (just where Satan likes it) so the habit and addiction can fester and grow. There are marriages where it is freely done and the spouse knows about it (I highly disagree with this as well), but for the most part you will find that the one looking at porn is keeping it under wraps. Lies of any sort can rip a marriage apart, but lies about porn are sneaky ones that often take a while to come out into the open.
3: Porn Lowers Self-Worth-I believe porn can greatly mess with the self-worth of both a husband and a wife in a marriage, no matter who it is that is struggling with the addiction. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” God created us in His image, one that is holy and righteous. But when we sin, or those we love sin against us, we rarely feel anything close to the attributes of holiness and righteousness.
4: Porn Robs Us of Intimacy-Porn takes intimacy away. Period. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” “Undefiled” means “without stain or blemish.” Porn is a stain. It’s that nasty grass stain that will never come out of a white t-shirt. It can be covered, dyed, washed, and cleaned, but it will always still be there.
5: Porn is Adultery-Porn is adultery. Matthew 5:28 says, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” No arguing with that one. Jesus is pretty clear, and you know He already knew about the sin of pornography before it ever came into existence (though I suspect they already had forms of it during this time period). He knew the easy accessibility that the Internet would someday bring.
6: Porn opens a very wide door for spirit spouses
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28
As followers of Christ and believers in God’s sacred plan for marriage, I believe that all of us should be on this crusade together to get porn out of our lives and out of our marriages. The solutions are more complex than can possibly be addressed in one article, but for starters, we need to be willing to call this a sin and repent of our use of it or our indifference to other people’s use of it.
We need to have healthy conversations about porn and purity in our churches, where tragically, so many are suffering with this sin in silence while the church pretends it’s not a problem. We need accountability. We need to be in same-gender accountability relationships. We need transparency and trust in our marriages. We need to reclaim God’s original and still-perfect plan for sex and marriage.
If you are currently struggling with pornography, please know that you’re not alone and there is help and hope available. Your first step is to confess your sin to your Savior and embrace His forgiveness. Next, confess your sin to your spouse and work to rebuild the trust your actions have damaged. Third, actively pursue accountability and porn-blocking-and-tracking software on all your devices through services like Covenant Eyes or X3Watch.
Finally, keep growing in your relationship with God and your relationship with your spouse. Your best days are ahead of you! We have plenty of resources and events right here at MarriageToday to help you on your journey.