When Your Love Fades, What Do You Do?

Today, I want to speak directly to married couples. At the end of this discussion, I hope to hear some of your experiences and how you’ve tackled the challenge we’re about to explore.

Have you ever felt that the love you initially felt for your husband or wife is fading or perhaps isn’t there anymore? What do you do in such moments? Remember, the Bible tells us in Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

By the grace of the Most High, I have been married to the love of my life for 13 years. If I were asked to marry again today, I would choose her once more without hesitation. Yet, like many, there have been periods of pain and moments when my love for my wife seemed to wane, and she felt the same. In these low moments, our heavenly Father has always helped us come back stronger, with valuable lessons that have made our marriage even sweeter.

Husbands, we have a special responsibility. Ephesians 5:28 says, “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” This verse underscores the importance of our role as leaders in our marriages.

Consider the experience of a new car owner. Before buying a car, one must carefully select the right vehicle that suits their needs and budget. After the purchase, there’s a period of meticulous care—driving carefully, washing the car regularly, and maintaining it diligently. But as time goes by, familiarity sets in. You might start hitting potholes you once avoided, or miss washing the car for days.

Marriage is much like this. Initially, you seek out someone to marry, build a friendship, progress to courtship, and finally, marriage. This period is filled with excitement—coffee dates, dinners, gifts. Yet, a few years or even months into the marriage, familiarity can creep in. Those little acts of love and respect may start to fade, affecting the love in the marriage.

However, just as you wouldn’t abandon your car when it runs out of fuel, you shouldn’t abandon your marriage because the spark has faded. Instead, you must work to revive it. When a car starts to show signs of trouble, you call a mechanic. Similarly, when your marriage encounters difficulties, seek help from trusted sources like counselors or wise mentors.

Here are some lessons couples can learn to keep their marriage vibrant:

1. Communication: Always keep the lines of communication open. Share your feelings, hopes, and concerns with each other regularly.

2. Acts of Love: Continuously show love through small acts of kindness. A surprise note, a small gift, or simply saying “I love you” can go a long way.

3. Quality Time: Spend quality time together. Regular date nights or even a walk in the park can help maintain a strong connection.

4. Mutual Respect: Never lose respect for each other. Disrespect can erode the foundation of your relationship.

5. Shared Goals: Work towards common goals and dreams. This unites you and gives you something to strive for together.

6. Seek Help: Don’t hesitate to seek guidance from counselors or experienced couples when facing challenges.

Remember, “Do everything in love” (1 Corinthians 16:14). Love is the antidote. Even when a spouse is difficult, keep on loving. Kindness and care can help overcome any challenge.

Now, I invite you to share your experiences and lessons learned in your own marriages. How have you kept the spark alive? What strategies have you used to navigate the tough times? Let’s learn and grow together.