- David Kedode
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- Tags: Abstinence, Courtship, Family, God, Marriage, Premarital Sex, Relationship, Sexuality
Sex is The Bonding Agent That God Designed!
Have you ever tried sticking two tapes together? The bond is very strong that pulling those takes apart usually tears them. And if you try to use the same tapes again, they won’t stick as well.
1 Thessalonians 4:1-9 the bible says, “Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects these instructions does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.”
Sex is the bonding agent that God designed, to bind a man and a woman together for life. That’s why separating from a sexual partner is painful. Sex before marriage lessens its power to “bond” you to your future life-partner one day. So stick out the hectic pressure to have sex that comes from friends, the media, and your own hormones…
Is God’s view of sex restrictive? Is that even realistic in the 21st century?
I heard sex is supposed to be satisfying. So then the idea of waiting until marriage seemed pointless and harmful. God must have been some kind of mean tyrant who made this rule just because He could.
But overtime I considered other questions:
- Why might a loving God have given this design and these restrictions for sex?
- What if there were real reasons why I should trust God?
- What if God is smarter than I am?
And the answer I slowly came to see is that God understands that sex is actually a really big deal. Not the biggest deal ever. Not the only big deal. But a big deal nonetheless. Despite what we’ve been told, sex is much more than just physical pleasure. We know this even when we don’t want to admit it. I remember talking to a friend about her boyfriend and she told me “I know it is a good thing because it’s not just physical! It has actually brought us closer together.”
Her point was that sex was relational, emotional and even spiritual. The Bible describes this aspect of sex as becoming “one flesh”. Flesh doesn’t just mean body here. It’s the whole person. Their heart, their mind, their body and their soul. So the Bible is saying that sex is a physical picture of what’s happening at every level; two persons becoming one. God designed sex to physically, emotionally, and spiritually bind us to our spouse.
Over the years it’s been interesting to see more and more research explaining how this happens at a physiological level. The brain literally starts to addict itself to whoever we have sex with. God designed orgasm to connect two people at deep levels. And not just anyone or everyone, but one someone who’s not going anywhere because we’ve committed to addict ourselves to them for the rest of our lives. Sex is an incredible bonding agent meant for you and your spouse. And no one else. Because any sexual activity that doesn’t bind us to our spouse is powerless to accomplish what God actually intends for it to do. Any orgasm outside of marriage fails to live up to its amazing design. God’s view of sex isn’t restrictive. Our modern view of sex is restrictive. It restricts us from experiencing all that sex can be. It restricts from enjoying all that sex has to offer.
Okay…but what counts as sexual sin? As I grew to understand God’s design and command to flee sexual immorality, I still found myself asking “but what exactly is sexual immorality?” A little study and I found out that the Greek word translated into the English phrase “sexual immorality” is porneia. It’s the same word we get pornography from. It means any sex act outside of marriage. So then I asked, “Well what exactly is a sex act?”
Let’s say I didn’t exactly love the answer I found. Especially not when I found it coming out of Jesus’ mouth. On the sermon on the mount, Jesus describes lust in the mind as being equivalent to committing adultery. I knew adultery counted as a sex act. I didn’t really want to accept that lust counted as a sex act. Then Jesus says it would be better to tear out your eye than to continue using your eyes for the sex act of sinful lust. Like it or not, it was clear that Jesus thought this was a big deal and it is a big deal.
Lust, no matter where it happens, whether it occurs in your mind or your heart or your hands is porneia. And anything else that we would put on a spectrum between lust of the mind and cheating on your spouse counts too.
- So if you are making out and you lust… porneia.
- Fantasizing about that girl in the coffee shop… porneia.
- Daydreaming about that guy you work with… porneia.
- Steamy romance novels… porneia.
- Picking a movie because of its sex scenes… porneia.
- “What if we just use our hands?”… porneia.
- “What if our clothes stay on?”… porneia.
- “What if we didn’t plan on this happening?”… porneia.
- “But we’re going to get married so it’s okay, right?”… porneia.
- 1 out of every 8 internet searches… porneia.
Jesus undermined all my attempts at justification. The games I liked to play. He cut through all the noise and cut to the core of my heart motivations. Lust is too far. If it was sexual sin in my mind, I had already crossed a line.
We can handle our sexuality in God-pleasing way and this is by actively avoiding all sexual immorality. This includes sex and foreplay before marriage, adultery and looking at pornography. Remember fore-play, caressing, kissing, touching is like playing with fire in a grass thatched house, soon or later the house will be on fire. Remember our sex-drive is very strong, we must learn how to control it rather than be controlled by it. This can be done by avoiding sexed up parties and places, stop spending your time filling your mind with sex. Cut out sexuality charged music, movies, places and books. Stay single until you’re ready for marriage. Focus on developing yourself. Dream dreams. Set goals, work at them and don’t give up. It’s important that we link sex with real love. Sex that’s selfish or hurtful isn’t based on real love.
It’s important to please God with our sexuality because Jesus commanded it. God wants us to be holy and honorable. We need to be different from people who don’t know God. God punishes disobedience. Let’s please God and benefit others and ourselves by avoiding all sexual sin! 2 Timothy 2:22 the Bible says, “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
Have a blessed day and God bless you and guard you from any sexual sin.